As a teenager I was very unhappy realizing that I was gay. I used to imagine having a wife and kids just to feel a little bit better about myself. Alas, it wasn’t to be, it was not something I could change, it is the way you are born, I just had trouble accepting that.
As I grew older the aids crisis came into full swing and I used that as an excuse to not act on my feelings. I drank at gay bars instead.
Finally I decided enough was enough and I put out the word that I wanted to meet someone, I told friends, and put an ad in the Village Voice. This is 22 years ago, the whole ad scene has changed what with all the sex adds and Internet dating that now is available. In my day (old-timer that I am) there was one place for nice people to meet nice people and if you were gay it was easier in the Village Voice vs. New York Magazine (straight people used that magazine!). I had heard success stories so I thought I would give it a go and 6 months later after 24 interviews (different dates), Peter got the job! I suppose more details about that whole process deserve a whole other blog but I will tell you one story, we made out on the second date and after he left (it was a very innocent make-out session) I called my BFF, Pam, and told her I was seeing stars. What did I know, I had very little experience! She quickly brought me down to earth and explained that it was a lack of oxygen. Thanks a lot!
Peter and my relationship moved quickly. There is a joke about lesbians, what do they bring to a second date, and the answer is a U-Haul. We are simple guys and we knew we were meant for each other pretty much within the first week (OK, now I have doubts about that daily but its been almost 22 years, I can’t give up the ship!) and he moved in after 4 months of dating. In case you couldn’t tell from the main part of my blog, it is all about economics, he was staying over 4 nights a week since week 3 of dating so I thought it was time to get 1/2 the rent!
Peter’s story about our early dating is in regards to Date #1: after breakfast I took him shopping for coffee – he said he should have known then that if I went shopping as part of a first date that I was a shopaholic – alas, he was too infatuated with my chubbiness to see anything else!
So here’s when we knew we had a love of kids in common – Week 2 of our dating we were walking around SOHO and happened into a toy store. Peter stated that the saddest thing to him about being gay was that he couldn’t have kids. Penniless as I was I told him I fully intended to adopt a baby and become a dad. My baby brother had become a father at the age of 23 and I figured if he could do it, anyone could ( and he does a great job of it, my little brother!) I traveled far and wide to see my first nephew and I fell in love at first sight, that was when I knew that after all those years of imagining parenthood, it really was what I wanted. When Peter heard that being a parent was no longer impossible, it just further cemented our relationship and gave us a long-term goal as a couple. It brightened his world and it helped me as I did not have to think about doing it alone (as a single and penniless person!).
And so the long journey began.
End, Part 1