Happy Valentine’s Day – Love Is Not a Piece of Paper

This morning my spouse said Happy Anniversary and Happy Valentine’s Day. I was touched that he remembered, cause I sure did not.

12 years ago, in anticipation of adopting a child, we went to City Hall for a Domestic Partnership Agreement. We were moving into a bigger apartment and signing a lease together, we figured we would get the additional piece of paper to show us as a committed couple for adoption purposes. I thought it would be a hoot to wait until Valentine’s Day to do the Domestic Partnership, so there you have it, Valentine’s Day is our anniversary!

Meanwhile, gay marriage is all over the papers. So here’s my opinion. I want the government contract that says my spouse can take me as a tax deduction. I don’t care about anyone’s religious institution wanting to honor my relationship (although my synagogue would do it in a second). I need the money. How romantic.

Which brings me to the point of this post. You are not married because of a piece of paper. You are married because of the way you treat your relationship. We treat ours with respect and we honor the commitment we made when we moved in together. That is the day I consider us “married.” That is the day we cemented the relationship. Everything else since has also been to cement our relationship, especially adopting a child together.

We are committed. We don’t walk away. We fight to stay together. He moved in almost 20 years ago, and since that day we have behaved like the conventional married couples all across the land. No difference except for the piece of paper from the U.S. government. A piece of paper that would tell my son his country and ours would no longer officially discriminate against his dads.

So whatever you think of “gays,” some of us are just like you. And some are just like the other married couples who cheat and divorce. We don’t, we respect our relationship.

In parting, as they say, if you are against gay marriage don’t get gay married. And if the haters out there really care about the institution of marriage they would show the courage it takes to take on marriages mortal enemy – divorce.

Happy Valentine’s Day honey!