At the end of the school year everyone in my son’s class received a “coupon” which entitled them to participate in the year end ice cream social that the teacher was throwing. I consider this a legally binding contract.
The last full day of school I was with my son at lunch and recess as part of my school’s program to have parents participate in their child’s school experience. The teacher was all smiles and said nothing.
Later, at school pick up, I asked my son how the ice cream party was. He told me the teacher sent him to another class and did not let him participate.
I was furious. I immediately wrote to the Principal. And please remember this is a teacher that I had filed an informal complaint with the Principal in April claiming she was treating him prejudicially.
I bought my son the biggest ice cream he could hold after school that day. I had a chat with the Principal the next morning and she told me she told the teacher that she would not have handled it that way. She did tell me my son had misbehaved with the substitute on Friday, but if his behavior was so bad that he was punished this severely, why didn’t the teacher notify the parent?
The Principal did the right thing. She even acknowledged that my son, like some students, doesn’t do well with a sub. I give her a lot of credit for how she handled the situation.
I call the teacher abusive based on the definition in the guidelines: “E. Public humiliation or belittlement.” She humiliated my son in front of the whole class. Thank goodness he is resilient. Thank goodness she has not caused irreparable damage to my child. He still loves his school. She on the other hand has failed this student and others as I will write about in the coming days.
This begs the question to the other parents out there – how would you have handled the situation?
The teacher is being prayed for.
Well, I have feeling this isn’t the first time this teacher used punitive punishment in the classroom. I’m not sure in what way your principal handles these things but it always has to start from there. First of all if he misbehaved on Friday why was he punished days later? That’s ridiculous. Second, does the teacher have a uniform discipline code for all kids? Is it clear to the kids what is expected in the classroom and what consequences are or does she just make it up as she goes along?
But, you know what? The year is over. My advice (because I can’t not give it) is to let it go. Don’t write about it. Don’t dwell on it. Look forward to next year and move on.
We had a similar situation at my sons school with a pizza day out. And a few kids did not get to participate. I would have handled it the same way had it been my son, but the parent chose not to do anything
I don’t know the background experiences you’ve had, or more importantly your son has had with this teacher… so I respond to your asking for my opinion with the little details provided. As a fellow parent, I never expected a teacher to include me in every time he/she needed to discipline my kids… unless it got to the point where the principle got involved. You’ve just given your son a big get out of jail free card… just because you didn’t agree with the discipline given by the teacher (the consequences of his actions). What punishment did you give your son for misbehaving with the sub??? You’ve just taught your son that his misbehaving wasn’t important. In fact, you rewarded it with attention and a treat.
You probably didn’t want to hear this type of response, but I needed to write to maybe help you see the other side of your actions and how they might effect your son’s outlook regarding authority in the future.
Best luck.. parenting isn’t an easy job!!
Jim
To Jim, you’ll have to trust me when I tell you my son knows there is no get out of trouble card.
And in this instance the Principal agreed with me, and she never takes a parents side. Of course there is more background on my son and this teacher and this teacher’s problem with punishing a lot of the boys in her class to no avail, which to me speaks to her behavior modification that doesn’t work.
Don’t know how I’d have handled it. I have to wonder if any other children were removed from the party, too. In my experience, it’s NEVER just one child who gives a sub a problem. It’s generally a group or even the entire class. If you’re happy with the principal’s handling of it, great. Me? I’d probably have caused more trouble with the school board, etc. At the very least, a meeting between myself, the teacher, and the principal. But, then again, as you said, you want your child to love school and not hamper that love in any way…
ANYWAY – You’re the best dad in the world for making up for the missed party by buying the biggest ice cream ever!!! How cool is that?!
This makes me angry.
Of course, we all know that acting out with the sub (albeit quite common) is never okay… but knowing you and your parenting style, I disagree with Jim that you are in any way condoning that. I’m quite sure you spoke with Paul about his behavior.
With that said, there are many ways the teacher could have handled this, including having him apologize to the sub, write a little report on why it’s important to respect subs, and so on. There’s a huge body of research that shows that if the “punishment” (and subsequent “repair”) does not directly fit the infraction then it’s pretty much useless and empty, and does not teach a lesson at all. Why take away something that is so significant to a child?
I’m glad you complained to the principal. I would have been really hurt and offended as well.
I’m so sorry to hear of your son’s experience. I hope it will be the last time he experiences such behavior from one of this teachers.
If it makes you feel any better, I think most of us here have either experienced something similar personally, or have seen our children experience it. I know that I have experienced it personally and I haven’t forgotten it.
I was a varsity cheerleader in high school. At the end-of-the-year sports banquet, my name was left off the program (among other slights). I noticed things were amiss right away, but I shrugged them off. My mother, on the other hand, was a little less laid-back than I was. She walked right up to my cheerleading adviser (who was also my PE teacher) and demanded to know why her daughter’s name was not listed in the program and why there was no place for her at the banquet table. At first, I was mortified that my mother would do such a thing. Then I remembered who my mother was (no shrinking violet), and I relaxed a bit & watched the sparks fly.
I won’t bore you any further, but looking back on that day, I’m glad my mother spoke up. I always knew that she loved and respected me, but it was awfully nice seeing her in action. I bet that cheerleading adviser was more careful with the next crop of cheerleaders. Okay, who am I kidding? That adviser was a witch and got what she deserved at least once in her life, thanks to my mother. 😉
The moral of the story is to follow your heart when it comes to your children. Most of the time, it won’t lead you astray. And for the times that it does, your child will write about it in the Comments section of a blog on the Internet. *I love you, Mom, mean it!*