I am full of propaganda. I believe in programming your kids. I am not a perfect parent, but I still know more than my 7 year old (and my spouse for that matter!). I also know what I would have liked when I was a kid. If I didn’t get it no one is to blame, I just have to put my ideas to work now that I am in a position to raise my own child.
(Expect no less from the dad who started singing the ABC’s to his kid at 4 days old. They told me that’s how you create geniuses. Now that he is 7, I use that time to program and condition his young mind!)
“I Will Love You Forever”
I am 51 and he is 7. I do hope to live long enough to be a grandpa, but there are no guarantees. I do want him to know that my love is endless and he can carry it with him, always.
“I Love You No Matter What”
I never want my son to think my love is conditional. Especially as a member of a 12 step fellowship, you learn when love is unconditional, there are no loopholes. That’s how I want to play it. When I am mad, or I yell, I still love you, but I also have to teach you and there are some situations where you do not have a choice if there is a possibility of something unsafe. And I still love you, no matter what.
“I Never Lie To You”
It is easy to tell your kid something just to shut them up. I don’t like to do that, I want my son to know that my word is my bond. Of course I hope he will become that way as well, I can only lead by example. I try really hard to always be truthful (that’s a lie – no, just kidding!). If something is not appropriate at the time I tell him I will reschedule, make it up to him, or continue the situation at a more appropriate time. And I do.
And then I give myself credit when I make it up to him: I believe we have to do our own marketing, when I make something up to him I say, “You see, daddy always keeps his word to you, I never lie to you, I promised you this and I did it.” Sometimes obnoxious parenting works. And then maybe I will throw in, “And you should never lie to daddy.”
“No Matter What Happens, You Can Count On Me”
My sister-in-law helped with this one. She came into motherhood rather young and remembered her own experiences growing up, so I always listen and learn when she talks about her process with my nephew, who is now 22 (and of course also with her 2 teenagers). She has told him if there is trouble, call her, no questions asked. Now, think about that. Is the situation going to remain secret? Of course not! That’s the part you don’t tell the kid! They only need to know they can always rely on you to help them, no matter what. I will always do my best to help my child in any situation, as would any parent, I think it is important that he know this in his heart, without question. I don’t ever want him to be in a tough situation and be afraid to call me. Ever. My job is to help him through those tough times, not just the easy ones. I hope he never feels alone.
A little early programming for your kids can’t hurt.
I give a lot of kisses, hugs and I Love You’s as well, he’ll be over me soon enough (I hear teenagers are a different breed of human), I get to get in in now, while I can.
I am trying to instill a feeling of security in my child, even when I am not physically there to protect him. I want him to feel protected, or at least have the tools to get to that place. Is that asking for too much?
I love this post. It’s so spot on and so real. Keep in mind I am smiling while writing this! I have to confess I told my first lie to my kids the other night. So here goes…. They asked me “Mommy tell me about the time you were little….” We were in the car and I told them how MY parents would drive us home and I would wake up safely in my bed the next morning safe and sound and amazed I was home. Well guess what my parents could have cared less whether I was safe and sound because they weren’t. We lived in choas and both my parents lived fast and hard and died young. SO how do you tell your child about your childhood when it was just plain nuts? You don’t. Someday when they are older I will share some of my experiences with them but for now I fast forward to a time in my life when I was lucky things became more stable and in turn i started on a new journey learning about a life filled with some security and lots of promise.
gaynycdad…I am always touched when you praise me…It make me feel so good. I love when I can pass something on that has been so helpful to me. You are such a good Dad and trust me your son will someday….I can’t say when but he will appreciate all you have done for him. <3 sis-in-law