The thought of my son hitting puberty breaks my heart. And I was surprised when I came to that realization. Even though he is over 10 years old, puberty is when he is officially not my little boy. I tell him that he will always be my baby, no matter how much bigger than me he will probably get, but the idea of my son, my baby, being a man, was more than I could handle without tears welling up in my eyes.
He went through his 10 year old check-up and there was no mention of what was to come. In fact, I asked about the HPV vaccine for boys and was told we did not have to think about that yet.
Then we had our check up for my son’s venous malformation, some extra veins in his leg. He said his leg hurt and I got scared that it was related to the veins, so we went to that doctor. She is the one who brought up pre-puberty as the situation that may change how his veins react during that growth period. My heart sank, emotion welled up in me, and I felt like I could cry.
I was at his birth, I cut his umbiklical cord, I changed hi diapers for years, and I wiped his butt passed the toddler years. Thisis not just my so, this is my baby and he always wil be. For some reason Puberty is the line of demarcation where it will all change. I know the physical will change, certainly the mental is changing daily as I get challenged constantly. But manhood changes everything, I am 54 and shrinking down to 5’9,” we suspect he will be well over 6 feet. I am completely unprepared emotionally for my baby to become a man. Yes, I would like things to stay this way forever!
My friend Stacy is going to give me a book, one that she showed her son to guide him through these years. But I thought I had time. And in fact, I do, but now that the word has been uttered I have to be more aware of what is to come. Now I have to take steps to be prepared. We do not have to have any talks yet, but now reality is setting in that we are going to have to deal with the physical changes. Not that anyone told me what the hell was happening, but I will not let my son go through this without knowledge and conversation.
My son, my baby, won’t be my baby. He will become a man before my eyes. I am not ready to lose my baby. Perhaps I will just forget this as it happens gradually over the next few years, just please, no one say the “P” word again!